Relationship Advice: 12 Principles For Lasting Relationships 2022
Love is incredible. It's not only what keeps the world turning, but it's also one of the most beautiful aspects of what makes us human. But love is also complicated and perplexing.
Relationships are difficult and rarely simple. How do we make the most of the love in our lives, particularly romantic relationships? We can be the best partners we can be by learning and working together. To that end, we've compiled this list of some of the best relationship advice for couples.
There are numerous approaches to writing a successful love story. There is no one-size-fits-all solution. However, many psychologists, relationship experts, and even philosophers have spent their lives delving deeply into what true love is and how to find it.
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Many psychologists, relationship experts, and even philosophers have spent their lives delving deeply into what true love is and how to find and keep it. We can turn to these experts to help us understand what works best in most marriages and relationships, and then put that knowledge into practice in our own lives.
I've distilled all of that wisdom into what I believe is a useful guide for couples: 12 principles for building a long-lasting, loving relationship.
1. Make Quality Time Together a Priority.
Spending time together and genuinely connecting is without a doubt one of the keys to a successful relationship.
What exactly does this mean?
This is more than just planning regular date nights (though we certainly support date nights for romance and adventure). Check out our entire list of the best date ideas for couples). Quality time can take many forms and formats; what matters is that you and your partner both feel like you're doing something that allows you to connect authentically.
This is something you may need to prioritize and plan for, especially if you have children or a busy schedule. Quality time does not usually happen by itself, but when you make an effort to incorporate it into your week, you'll notice a significant difference in your relationship.
2. Take Charge of Your Own Needs.
We should certainly look to our partners for encouragement, support, and assistance. There are certain things that partners require from one another. However, it's all too easy to fall into the trap of expecting our partner to meet and fulfill all of our needs, as well as to fix things for us.
I was guilty of this when I first met my husband. I was anxious about his feelings for me and needed constant reassurance from him that he loved me and was committed to me. "If only he would say or do such-and-such, I'd feel better and these worries would go away," I reasoned.
But the truth is that we are all responsible for our own emotions, actions, self-worth, and so on.
I was causing more problems by asking my husband to give me the reassurance I desperately needed (and an endless cycle of needing reassurance in a relationship). What I needed to do was get my own sh*t together and figure out this problem on my own, rather than blaming it on him. Finally, I did just that, and it made a huge difference in our relationship.
Recognizing that we have control over our emotions is a mature, adult thing to do. This keeps us from looking to our partner to "fix" us, and it keeps us from playing the blame game, believing that our partner is to blame for how we are feeling.
"Our beliefs and expectations about a person, event, or situation [that] directly influence and, many would argue, cause our feelings," according to PsychCentral.
What does it mean to be responsible for our own needs?
It's about taking control of your emotions during a conflict. It's about controlling your negative emotions and not letting them affect your relationship in an unhealthy or unkind way. And it's about accepting responsibility for dealing with the baggage you've accumulated from previous relationships, childhood, or whatever.
Long-term relationships or marriages, of course, are breeding grounds for these past issues to surface. When we are at ease with another person, we are able to be vulnerable (for better and for worse). This is when "stuff" comes into play. Your old problems, neuroses, and anxieties.
When this happens, remember to take a step back and assess the situation. Examine where these emotions are coming from (hint: it's most likely from deep within you).
5 Signs Your Partner is Cheating!
3. Compatibility Is Important, But Action is The Most Important.
Compatibility is an important factor to consider when choosing a life partner. And, while it is important to choose someone with whom you are compatible, there are so many other factors to consider.
Compatibility is an important factor to consider when choosing a life partner. While it is important to choose someone with whom you are compatible, there is so much more to it. People who aren't necessarily compatible on paper can have happy relationships if they make a concerted effort every day to understand one another, communicate clearly, and strive to meet each other's needs. The most important principle in making a relationship work is effort.
Of course, there's something to be said for relationships that are "easier" from the start, and compatibility can help with that. Compatibility extends far beyond similar interests or viewpoints. Because you're both approaching the relationship with the same values, sharing them is the most telling sign of compatibility.
Sharing similar values is the strongest indicator of relationship compatibility, as you both approach the relationship (and life) from very similar perspectives. (See more signs that you've found the right partner.) This will make things much easier for you in a variety of ways.
In the end, compatibility is just a word. What matters most is that you choose the right partner and that you are the right partner for yourself. Being good partners as well as good people.
4. Express Love Daily (And Love Your Partner in The Same Way They Need to Be Loved).
This piece of relationship advice for couples appears to be simple, but it can be more complicated than we realize.
Your partner must understand how much you adore and cherish them. Every day, the happiest couples express this to one another. Individuals can flourish in relationships where both parties feel safe and cherished. You feel safe enough in such a relationship to take risks, be vulnerable, and grow into the best version of yourself. It's fantastic.
It is up to both partners to express their love for one another and learn how to do so in the way that your partner feels most loved.) Understanding your partner's love language is essential. The five love languages are an excellent resource for understanding this principle. Check out our summary and introduction to the five love languages.
PS: Learning each other's love languages is one of my top daily marriage-strengthening tips.
Whether you understand the love languages or not, most of us know instinctively how to express love. We can write special notes to our partners, give them thoughtful, meaningful gifts, or simply hold them close and tell them how wonderful they are. The intention to be loving and compassionate is most important.
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5. At Every Opportunity, Practice Selflessness.
When it comes to being loving and compassionate, nothing beats putting another person's needs ahead of your own. The ability to make necessary sacrifices or concessions out of love for your partner is a huge part of marriage and relationship success.
Let's face it: relationships are difficult. And if you've been with someone for decades, you're bound to face some difficulties. This is going to demand a lot of you, and it's terrifying. It's difficult for us as humans to put our own needs aside and care for others. It's frequently unpleasant, inconvenient, and exhausting.
Marriage is often said to be 50/50, but the reality is that this ration changes all the time. Some seasons of your relationship will be 60/40, or even 90/10. Sometimes your partner is going through something that prevents them from giving their all to the relationship. They could be suffering from a serious illness. They could be suffering from severe depression.
Whatever the reason, a relationship will never be "fair" and balanced. You will have to give more than you receive at times, perhaps frequently. Perhaps a lot more. Can you pull it off? It will not be easy, but being able to do this for those we care about is critical, and it is one of the most important aspects of building a lasting relationship.
As a result, begin practicing right away. At every opportunity, strive to be selfless. Develop the habit of giving without expecting anything in return. I'm willing to bet you'll not only notice improvements in your relationship, but you'll also discover new personal benefits.
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6. Never Quit Learning About Happy Relationships
One of the most basic relationship advice is to keep learning and growing in your relationship. It takes practice to become good at anything. Relationships necessitate skill. So don't be afraid to seek out the resources that will assist you in making that happen!
I believe that couples counseling is an excellent tool for couples. Couples counseling is also not required if you are experiencing "problems." Consider it like routine maintenance. It's simply a good way to address any issues in your relationship while working with a professional therapist.
7. Never Give Up On Being a Better Person.
Working on yourself, like constantly learning about relationships, is an important part of a successful partnership. Do you want to have a fantastic relationship? Be an excellent collaborator!
This is excellent general life advice, whether you're single, dating, married, or in a long-term relationship.
Working on our anxieties has been one of the ways we've personally experienced self-improvement. Nathan and I both suffer from various types of anxiety, which, if not addressed, could be detrimental to our marriage. As a result, it is critical that we learn to manage them as effectively as possible, both for our own mental health and happiness and for the success of our relationships.
8. Handle Relationship Problems As as Team.
Even the most loving, intimate, and happy relationships have their ups and downs. Relationship challenges are natural, and they should be expected.
So, how do you handle them? As a team.
Whatever comes your way, remember that you and your significant other are in this together. You're both on the same team. Even if you're in the middle of a typical argument, remember this. You're not at odds with one another. You are at odds with the problem: the two of you versus the problem, attempting to reach an agreement that preserves and strengthens your relationship.
This team mentality will serve you well throughout your marriage/relationship and will eventually help you avoid some unnecessary conflicts.
It's also important to recognize that conflict and challenges are natural and healthy parts of life. It is not normal to never argue or disagree. Healthy conflict is an essential component of a long-term relationship.
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9. Patience, Honesty and Openness in Communication.
Communication can be one of the most difficult aspects of a relationship. It appears simple—you're just talking, right?— However, communication is a nuanced and complex process. It goes beyond words. Tone of voice, body language, subtext, and so on. And it goes even deeper in a romantic relationship. We're talking to the people who know and love us best, and with whom we share our lives. All of this means it's going to get sticky.
So, educate yourself on how to communicate with your partner. This is a skill that can be developed in a relationship. Communication is difficult, and healthy communication is not always easy for us. So learning how to communicate with and listen to our partner takes time and practice.
Finally, good communication requires patience, honesty, and openness. If you concentrate on those things, you'll get most of the way there.
10. Invest Time and Energy in Romance.
We are obsessed with finding romance in your relationship! We strive to incorporate romance in a variety of ways, big and small.
But how do you go about doing that? How do you maintain the spark in your relationship? How do you maintain the romance? What if you have no idea how to be romantic?
1. Go on adventures.
Do you want more romance in your relationship? Experiment with new things! Doing something new together, whether it's a daring activity like skydiving or a gentler one like taking a walk. Doing something new together, whether it's a daring activity like skydiving or something more sedate like taking a cooking class, has a huge impact. It strengthens your bond, creates shared memories, and brings you closer together than ever before.
We also strongly advise you to plan a romantic getaway as often as possible. This does not have to be far away. A romantic staycation or a nearby weekend getaway can also help you reconnect and rekindle your romance.
2. Continue flirting.
Never stop flirting with your significant other! Flirting adds interest to the situation and reminds your partner that you find them attractive and intriguing. Sending one of these fun, flirty texts for him or flirty texts for her can be a simple way to flirt.
3. Make intimacy a priority.
Sex and intimacy are necessary components of a happy marriage. Make as much time as possible for sex and intimacy. While scheduling sexy time may seem "unsexy," busy couples understand that it is sometimes necessary. One couple we know says they've had sex almost every day for the past 9 years, and it's been crucial to their relationship's intimacy. While daily sex may not be feasible, you can make an effort to connect physically as frequently as possible.
When you make the effort, intimacy and romance are possible even in a long-distance relationship, so there's no reason not to find the time and energy to connect. Even non-distance couples may benefit from these long distance relationship tips.
5 Signs Your Partner is Cheating!
11. Accept Vulnerability as Key to True Intimacy.
Make yourself vulnerable.
Our ability to be truly vulnerable yields so much beauty and magic. The element of vulnerability is what makes relationships sacred and meaningful.
Vulnerability is not something that comes easily. We'll go into more detail about vulnerability in relationships in a future blog post because it's an important topic.
Prioritizing the friendship aspect of your relationship is a good place to start with vulnerability. Friends are the people with whom we can confide our darkest secrets and be accepted for who we are. This should also be true in a relationship.
12. Everything Requires Commitment.
Without mentioning the significance of commitment, this guide to relationship advice for couples would be incomplete.
I wholeheartedly believe in making a commitment in our relationships. Marriage is a lifelong commitment for us. Divorce is not even an option for us. We're in it for the long haul.
We believe that this level of commitment is required for maximum relationship success. What motivation do you have to stick with it when things get tough? Without that, how can we expect our partner to be there for us even when things get tough? Commitment is essential.
I fully understand that we don't know what the future holds. It is impossible to say something with absolute certainty, but the point is that we should enter into marriage or long-term relationships with this goal in mind.
PS: Fear of commitment is fairly common. That's fine. Working on becoming more comfortable with commitment can be a long process, and it's normal if it doesn't feel natural.
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